Sweet Husband makes breakfast for me every Sunday. No joke, it was in his vows. Most of the time I get to actually order up what I want and this past Sunday worked just as such. So while my adorable mate was busy cooking crepes and turkey sausage in the kitchen, I was reading the paper in bed surrounded by the cats. Ain't life grand?
After breakfast I wandered into the kitchen to take the first of many pills that I now pop during the day. SH was doing the breakfast dishes (I know, what?! LUCKY!) and I threw three multicolored pills in my mouth, followed by a swig of water. I should mention that after the whole first trimester barf-a-thon, my gag reflex is bit more...touchy...than normal, so once the pills hit the back of my throat (before I swallowed them) I felt a gag coming on. This isn't unusual. Almost every day this happens and I just swallow through it. Well two of the three pills went down and the third got caught in the gag. This pill was L-Carnitine and if you've never taken it, it's large. And white. And coated in almost nothing. So it got caught, and it stuck. Thankfully I usually take a breath in before I swallow pills so I had a little air behind it and I coughed. Only it lodged it much more fully than the first time. Now I was panicking. I was all out of air, I couldn't get any in due to the pills strategic placement and I began thinking about all I'd learned about administering the Heimlich on a pregnant woman. But how would I communicate this to SH, who had taken a break from the dishes to rush over to my red face? Thinking back, he did have a dish towel in his hand, though I'm not sure why he grabbed that when running to my side? Thankfully, my old friend the Puke Monster paid a return visit and brought up the water (not the other pills or breakfast thank GOD) I had just swallowed down with such great force that I barfed that pill up right on the counter and right in front of SH. There my face sat, inches from the saliva-y puddle of water coughing and gasping while SH was rubbing my back and saying (loudly) "GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!" It was out. But he was a great cheerleader. I laid on the floor for a few minutes and cried for two reasons. One, I almost died and two, I just threw up in front of my husband. So glamorous, indeed!
Last little tidbit and then I must depart. If you've followed this blog for more than two posts, or know me personally, the fact that I will NEVER go to a male "lady doctor" shouldn't surprise you. Here's a story to bring this point fully home.
Last week when I went to the doctor due to that uncomfortable feeling, I was put in a different room than I normally am. As I was waiting, I was looking around the walls at the pictures, drawings and diplomas this specific doctor had lined his (HIS) walls with. Don't panic, I was seeing a woman, but using this dude's room, apparently. Anyhow, my eyes focused on a drawing of a lady frog. She didn't have any clothes on but she did have lipstick, rouge and fluttery eyelashes which is how I came to understand she was a lady. Anyway, she was in a room eerily similar to the one I was sitting in and she was laying on the table (that I was on) with a white blanket over her and her legs up in the stirrups (not me at all). The illustrator had made quite a point of her fluttery eyelashes, drawing in movement for extra effect. Her mouth was open and smiling flirtatiously and a bubble was drawn with the sentence "I'm READY Dr. Brooks!"
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?! First of all *gag* WHO THE HELL DREW THAT? A friggin' PATIENT? A FEMALE patient? Second, what kind of big-headed HAND JOB does this guy think he is! "Oh, I'm Dr. Brooks and I'm so charming the ladies can't wait for me to get a hold of my speculum and ram it into their vaginas. I'm like a GOD!"
I've included this link to his picture. Do NOT be fooled by his grandfatherly looks. He's not one of us.
http://www.towerobgyn.com/page/ourdoctors.html
WHO finds this charming? What lady sits there waiting for this douche bag to enter thinking flirtatiously sinful thoughts?? I bet he doesn't wear gloves. I bet he kicks cats. I've made up a whole story about him in my head and all I can say is I feel terrible for his poor wife. I hope to god I never see this pervert in the hallways because I'm pretty sure I won't be able to control myself from smacking him right across the face. Asshole.
