Monday, February 14, 2011

2/14/2011 - The Itchy and Scratchy Show

Happy Valentines Day, fools! Aw...look at all you out there. Getting to have normal person sex. Aren't you so lucky?! Enjoy it just a little bit more tonight, for me (please excuse me while I grab for yet another pillow to sleep with between my legs).
Well everyone, I'm experiencing a whole new...sensation...that nobody bothered to warn me about. Horrible, terrible, no good boob itch. That's right. Boob itch. Big time. Not only are they lumpy and hot as hell (wanna know what I did Saturday night? Iced my boobs down on the couch. All. Night. Long.), they also feel as if they've gotten a terrible case of scabies. I scratch and I scratch and I scratch. By the end I might just scratch them clean off! I scratch in private, definitely, in public, for sure! Bigger boobs are certainly NOT worth this trauma, I can assure you. But look as I may, NO pregnancy book or blog talks about itchy boobs! None. Pregnant ladies of yore, did you HONESTLY forget this? I just can't buy it. It is destined to haunt me for the rest of my days. Four more months of this bullshit? Heaven help me.
Oh! Exciting news! At my last doctor appointment I was put in the SAME room as before and had the presence of mind to take out my phone and snap a picture of the offending illustration. Here it is. Enjoy.
I mean HONESTLY! How sexual is that??? Look at those eye lashes! Her fingers nervously scratching in anticipation! This is ridiculous. I pointed it out to my doctor and she said "Yeah. Older male doctors, they're just sometimes...lacking a bit of sensitivity when it comes to women." I'll say!
Since I ended my last blog a little, well, angry, I'll end this one on a cute note. SH and I went to our favorite local sushi joint the other day (yes all, I'm eating sushi) and the chef was so jazzed about my pregnancy, he made us a special dessert
That is me and my pregnant belly...what is at my feet is anyone's guess. I just hope it isn't triplets.

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