Wednesday, March 30, 2011

3/30/11 - I Love You Bears

I am deeply saddened and depressed by the stuffed animals in flower shops. This has always affected me but now that I'm pregnant, it's damn near unbearable. What is it about these bears?? The bigger, the more depressing. Their expectant faces and shiny plastic fur. Their little arms holding a red velvet heart. Their perpetual hope that someone will take them home. And when they are shoved ass-down into a gift basket and covered with plastic only to be peddled road-side by some sorry sap trying to make a living? The worst. I can't take it!
I was stopped at a red light in Eagle Rock yesterday, right in front of a flower shop and just through the door I saw a white bear about 4' high and 2 1/2' wide. It was gigantic and sitting on a white pedestal looking out into traffic with this forced smile on its face. I thought about how long he must have been sitting there. How dusty his snow white fur must have been and if they ever bothered to dust him off or cover him up. How someone might see this bear and want him, only to walk in and get a close look at the cobwebs that surely surround his shiny nose and eyes and then reject his happy face on the spot. I burst into tears. "I'm sorry bear!" And I'm talking REAL tears. Sobbing! I was only jolted back to reality when the car behind me laid on the horn because I had ignored the green light for so long, blathering in my car.
I hate stuffed animals for this reason. I think they should all cease to exist. I have an incredibly hard time not assigning human emotions to these stuffed creatures. And who needs them?? I mean, if some lady gets that giant white bear, what in the HELL is she going to do with it?? It will end up at Goodwill with all the rest of the I Love You Bears on the back shelf near the glassware, and then what?
It's too much to think about. I'll stop now.
Well, a few of you have requested a rack picture, and although this probably wasn't what you had in mind I wanted to show off how clever I can be. As I have mentioned in previous posts, my tits are on fire. FIRE, I tell you. I can't bear (omg!) it another second. So, I devised a way to deal with it and still get to walk around. X-small sports bra (my old size) + ice pack + headscarf = sweet relief!
Ahhh! Can't you just feel it's cooling powers!
(And look at that cleavage!)

1 comment:

  1. girl, you so creative...totally stylish too! i say you patent that sucker. slogan be like, chillin' like majillan or something less dumb. now if only you invented plush stuffed boobies somehow... i'd cuddle those forever.