Sunday, December 12, 2010

12/12/2010 - Resurrection of the Ejection

Just when I thought it was over! "I heard morning sickness goes away or AT LEAST gets better after the first trimester" say many well-meaning females, almost always adding "I never experienced morning sickness MYSELF, but that's what I've heard". Mmm...
I've moved on from the crackers upon waking (people, listen. Stop telling me to eat crackers. The mouth is SO very dry when you wake up. YOU eat a god damn cracker while laying down and see how well it goes for you! Hello choking hazard!) and moved on to Del Monte's delicious little fruit cups. Peaches! Pears! Mandarin oranges! Yum! Well, the other day I did not eat the cup that I keep by my bed, instead I got up and walked into the kitchen feeling fabulous. I opened the fridge and fetched a nice cold tropical fruit mix. The colors peeking through the clear cup enlivened my mood. Pink! Yellow! White! Gorgeous! I carefully peeled back the plastic covering, scooped up a spoonful of delightful fruit and placed it into my mouth. One chomp down on the tropical medley flipped my stomach, made my eyes roll back into my head and had me turning violently into the sink to barf up a nice medley of my own. After retching for what seemed like an eternity (especially since, let's be honest, I didn't actually CONSUME any of this food or anything else since 7pm the night before) I slid down my cabinets, drew my knees into my chest and cried for a solid five minutes. It was then I realized that I've completely forgotten what it's like to feel normal. To feel SO normal that you wake up and don't even think about how you feel. Where the smell of food is always enticing, eating is a joyful and fulfilling experience, your lower stomach doesn't feel like it's being pushed out from the inside, your bowels aren't constantly in a knot and the only time you experience nausea is after a particularly fun night doing body shots off some hot Mexican guy at the nearby El Torito. I have no fabulous memories of last night because I passed out cold around 8:59pm. Eating is always disgusting and guess what else? My back now hurts.
After avoiding a bikini wax for WAAAAY too long (thank you Sweet Husband for not making Chewbacca noises every time I exited the shower), I forced myself to go yesterday afternoon. We're heading to Maui for Christmas (don't be too umbrella drinks, no barely-there bikinis...or a body for which to fit one on, for that matter) and I can NOT go with 70's bush, period. So, I made an appointment and off I went. Let me tell you something. I have no idea if your skin is supposed to be more sensitive while you're pregnant, but ladies DO NOT WAX ANY AREA YOU CONSIDER TO BE PRIVATE WHILE YOU ARE PREGNANT. Oh my god I have never IN MY LIFE experienced pain as bad as this. I was sweating, tears were rolling down my cheeks and I was moments away from confessing every horrible secret I've ever had just to make the torture stop.  I literally walked out of the salon as if I had been riding a wild stallion for DAYS. And when I got home, upon further inspection, it looked as though bees had been let loose on my lady parts and some kind soul had attempted to save me by swatting them off with a wooden spoon. I had chills for hours. I may never be the same.

1 comment:

  1. I got a bikini wax about 2 weeks before delivery. I agree that it was more painful that I would have ever expected but you have to take care of business;)