Saturday, December 4, 2010

12/4/2010 - A Cup, here I come!

Well, again. It's been a while. My parents were in town for a spell and then I got a bad case of the lazies and didn't care to write about anything. I'm growing a human here people, piss off.
Anywho, check out the start of my pot belly! Lord HELP us! The good news (I know! Didn't you guys think I would just bitch the whole time? Silver lining!) is that I can now fit quite snugly into an A-cup bra *applause*! Thank you! A few months back I was hit with the realization (and a sales girl at Nordstrom armed with a measuring tape) that I wasn't the A I always thought I was, but in fact, I was a AA. For you large-breasted women who didn't realize an AA cup can be MADE for adults, I'm here to rock your world. I bought a ton of them. Also downgraded to an XS sports bra and voila! Perfect fits. Now, I'm spilling out. Can you "spill out" when you're clocking in at a whopping AA? Yes you can, bitches. Yes you can.
The nausea isn't totally in check, though the puking has slowed down to barely noticeable. However, this week I neglected to eat for 4 hours (this means something) and was so sick by the time I did eat that I ended up going straight to bed and skipping dinner only to wake up and feel extra awful the next day as well. How wonderful.
Went to the doctor this past Thursday and they said I only gained 1/2 of a pound, which can't POSSIBLY be correct! Again, I'll refer you to the above picture and below-the-button protrusion, but whatever. I saw the little olive (maybe it's a Brazil nut now) flip over and kick what I believe was some sort of leg protrusion. Very surreal. I had a litany of tests done to see where we stand as far as development and retardation (need I mention my luck here?) and will hear back in a week or so.
Now, on to the bitching. Why in the WORLD does everyone now feel free to tell me how to properly run my life? Have I not been at this exact task my entire adult life? Aren't I still standing here before you? Able bodied and healthy (kind of)? Then WHY start now?
"Oh no! You can't work out!!" My doctor says it's fine.
"Wait! Don't lift that it's heavy!!!" In response to a 6# box after I taught a class that required me to squat a 50# bar.
"You can't adopt now! You'll never be able to handle two kids. You don't even know what you're in for!" My personal favorite.
"You HAVE to let your husband in the room when you give birth." You are welcome to give birth in the middle of Times Square ON that goddamn sparkly ball during the NYE countdown. I'll give birth around whom I choose.
"You need to find out the sex. You need to go shopping before the baby gets here!" How did we ever survive in gender-neutral clothing???
LISTEN UP PEOPLE. I'm sure you mean well. Good for you for trying to get a fine deed done for humanity today! But I am not interested in your opinion or what you think about my choices or my lifestyle. When I am looking for your opinion I will start my sentence with "Hey, I'd like to get your opinion on this..." Until that day comes, kindly shut the hell up.
That's all for today!


  1. What? You have been blogging to strangers for a month and I am just finding out today that you are preggers? Ugh! I thought I was your favorite Aunt Mary?
    Don't worry about the barfing, it will go away! IN 6 MONTHS!! Sorry to have to lay the truth out for you!
    BTW, am I the only one that see's that the tic tac resembles Preston?
    Keep blogging! Love you, baby!