I've learned a lesson today. Notice I didn't say "valuable" because I'm not sure there is much value to any of this, but a lesson all the same. When you DON'T throw up in the morning (at exactly 7:59am like every other morning and then again sometimes at 9:30 and 11am) you are more nauseous throughout the day than ever! Isn't THAT fun!?
This morning I had to wake up at 5:30. Fabulous, indeed. When I turned over to hit the alarm on my bedside table, my stomach tumbled as if I was in the forecabin of a ship during rough seas AFTER I had been blindfolded and spun around a few times. My head immediately began to ache and my intestines, which haven't seen any action in over three days (I'd like everyone to know that before this, I was so regular you could set a clock to my movements), found a fun little way to knot themselves into a painfully tight wad. I thought, could I die from being, literally, full of crap? Was today the day that I would actually throw up poop?? Sweet Husband brought me another banana in an attempt to soothe my nausea. Once I got up and walked around, I felt even worse. Running multiple times to my kitchen sink only to hear my body laughing at me "Ha ha! Gotcha!"
Around 8 I realized nothing had come up yet. Could this be? I was skeptical and kept near to the kitchen. The closest thing I got to a full on vomit sesh was a cougheave. Not familiar with that? Well, gosh, aren't you lucky! I wasn't either before this mess began. See, a cougheave is where you begin to have a normal cough and the tensing of your stomach muscles signals your body that it must be time to throw up! What else are stomach muscles good for except throwing up, right? So then you dry heave, right after the cough. I was in the hallway between my bedroom and bathroom when my cougheave occurred. It came as a total surprise and I'm just thankful there was nothing with it but air and spit because I would never have made it to the sink, toilet or even tiled floor in time. I wish I could phonetically write the sound for you, but it's really impossible. Just use your imagination.
Oh yes, I had to teach two hours of classes today. One hour of weight lifting, one hour of kickboxing, on the banana and dry toast I got down. I must have been glowing green.
Afterwards, I got to squeeze in a 30 minute nap only to wake up feeling worse than ever. Headache, dry mouth, dizziness, nausea and cougheaves.
Ain't life grand?